Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
