dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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