Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You can't just leave with hair like that
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
