I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
