i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
where are my eyebrows?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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