You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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