I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
