careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
