shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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