You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
