Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
