I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
