So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
