She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
