her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
