She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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