I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
