I'm jealous of your bromance
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
