Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
