i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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