are you still at the devil's house?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
