so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
