i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
