Apparently you make a good broom.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
