So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
