How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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