That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
