Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
