One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
