One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
