Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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