She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
