Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
