You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
