i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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