dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
