Buhtt sex?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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