I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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