I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I supernannyed him into submission
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
