Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
