As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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