i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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