So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
3 2 1 whiskey
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
