I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
