ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i out mim tonsoeep
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
