I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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