I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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