So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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