I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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