My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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