I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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