ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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