OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
