Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
