Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
