His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
